urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei an introspect on futility kokei 2008-03-24T16:44:33Z urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:41761 2008-03-24T16:44:33Z 2008-03-24T16:44:33Z You said you were my friend<br /><br />but ran every time , it got tough<br /><br />you said forever <br /><br />but it never seemed to be enough<br /><br />you promised me the world,<br /><br />but all i got were lies<br /><br />you opened up your mouth<br /><br />and i opened up my eyes<br /><br />i may be nothing<br /><br />but thats more then you have<br /><br />i may be nothing<br /><br />but its more then you are worth<br /><br />you said you loved me<br /><br />loved me to death<br /><br />all you ever wanted<br /><br />was what ever serves you best urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:40654 2007-08-13T19:43:24Z 2007-08-13T19:43:24Z im tired, couldnt sleep last night. gonna have to force myself to sleep tonight. i dont knwo if its the lack of sleep or something else lately but im beginning to feel like a ghost...<br /><br />eyes searching,<br />but never found<br />hollow boy<br />lost in a crowd<br /><br />hands out stretched<br />nothing to hold<br />slipping<br />fading away<br /><br />falling, or floating<br />it all feels the same<br />no reason or cause,<br />noone to blame<br /><br />transparent, <br />see through<br />shallow and dim<br />just the ghost of the boy<br />noone to remember him<br /><br />whispers like winds<br />a breeze on your ear<br />yealling and screaming<br />still nothing to fear<br /><br />touching your neck<br />you feel such a shiver<br />the touch of his hand<br />and you feel the cold quiver<br /><br />he is nothing to see<br />he has no voice to hear<br />he has no hand to hold<br />just a story that's told urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:39519 2007-08-07T16:37:30Z 2007-08-07T16:37:30Z I don't want to be here <br />within this skin<br />darkned with false emotions, <br />tainted with sin<br />there are no shepards to watch the flock<br />no savior from the sky<br />childhood stories, simple little lies<br /><br />i do not want to be here,<br /> struggling within this pain<br />accusations and punshiments<br />hidden in false blame<br /><br />i do not want to be here. <br />walking hand and hand<br />sweet whispers and cany kisses<br />long sharp knife, heart the blade misses<br /><br />i do not want your world<br />broken hearts and pain<br />crying nights and loneliness<br />sadness and the fear<br />i do not want your love<br />but the truth is i do urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:39225 2007-08-07T11:01:03Z 2007-08-07T11:01:03Z Echoes, The fog was lifted<br />Electronic residue, Sentient traces<br />Lost something, World replaced<br />Ghost stuck in circuitry bound<br />World in cyber lessons pound<br />We speak in noise unheard<br />The tapping of digit counting<br />Paper trail dead ended<br />Tension of unseen lie mounting<br />no longer sleeping<br />baby curled into mothers breast<br />abandoned by our own ignorance<br />god old, and bed ridden<br />the pulse of an infrared optic jack<br />the flesh the spirit lacked<br />the whore of Babylon<br />selling the flesh to save the soul<br />the cyber song of a network ping<br />into implanted confusion cerebral spring<br />uploaded culture to download fix<br />devils plaything in terminal unit<br />the mind to eye, the flesh does trick<br />no longer empty, but without a shell<br />a ghost in the machine,<br />a man in hell urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:38937 2007-08-07T11:00:27Z 2007-08-07T11:00:27Z I will bleed for you no more<br />I have given you to much already<br />I will not be the martyr for your ill gained cause<br />I will not be the Jesus to prove your lies<br /><br />I will cry for you no more<br />These eyes burn red with pain<br />The spirit that held me strong<br />Left dying nearly slain<br /><br />I will die for you no more<br />Every time you break my heart<br />To know you have no love for me <br />When we are apart<br /><br />I will forgive you<br />And wish you well, and on your way<br />For I will live for myself<br />And I will live for today urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:38690 2007-08-07T10:59:26Z 2007-08-07T10:59:26Z These eyes are no longer portals to a soul<br />They have become muddled with the loss of life<br />Hollow, the vacant stare of the dead<br />The depth to them, unclear like a puddle, muddy in torment<br /><br />They will see through you<br />For all that you are<br />They will hear your lies that you have begun to believe<br />They will know the truth in it<br />They will know the will to deceive<br /><br />This mortal coil<br />A furnace of hell<br />That has burnt to hot<br />And brought despair in its wake<br />The bitter lie unheard<br />The bitter pill to take<br />Will you know your own demise? <br />in these eyes a nightmare awakes<br />Clutch to heart strings that will not hold<br />when a devil tears apart<br />the little world of lies<br />in your empty heart. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:38622 2007-08-07T10:56:58Z 2007-08-07T10:56:58Z Little dolly with insides rotten<br />Button nose long forgotten<br />Blackened stitches over soon ripped seam<br />Button eyes that no longer gleam<br /><br />Discarded heart<br />muffled in stuffing<br />screams that make no sound<br />darkness her only love<br />gutter drenched a new world found<br />pretty babies sleep in the nights air<br />nestled in mothers cold womb<br />trapped in silence<br />patchwork tomb<br />left decaying, world betraying<br />a matter of your love urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:38055 2007-08-05T18:47:22Z 2007-08-05T18:47:22Z I'm feeling that weight of the world and<br />It's crushing me<br />I'm feeling the weight of everyday life<br />And it's crushing me<br />How much more will it take?<br />How much more until it breaks me?<br />This world...is crushing me<br />I'm feeling the hate of the world and it's crashing me<br />I'm feeling the hate of everyday life<br />And it's crushing me<br />I swallow the hate, betrayed and lies<br />Swallow it whole and shove it deep down inside of me<br />I'm feeling the weight of the world and it's crushing me<br /><br />How much more will it take?<br />How much more until it breaks me?<br />This world is crushing me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:37836 2007-08-05T18:44:52Z 2007-08-05T18:44:52Z It's very hot today. dont know why that matters but it had to be said. i'm a little tired but i dont wanna go home and hide in my cave. i dont really care fo rmy hous emuch anyway. i need to find a new place to live that wont make me super poor.<br /><br />sometimes i feel like running away , but there are people here i could never leave behind. so i have to find other anwsers... options are always there it is simply a matte rof are we willing to open our eyes and see them.<br /><br />maybe i have the anwser an di simply am not seein git.. who knows enough philosphizing. we must accept what we have, and deal with it..<br /><br /><br /><br />your arms bind me<br />a fight i am torn between<br />fight or flee<br /><br />this gentle prison<br />binding me so tight i cannot breathe<br />this beautiful hell<br /><br />a lovers embrace<br />the strong door fo my cage<br />to borrow into safety, or plan this escape<br /><br />trapped in my own thoughts<br />a prison with out walls<br />just your eyes that hold me<br /><br />i will slumber here in the prison<br />and make a home of this hell<br />close to your bossom<br />your heart that is my cell. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:37398 2007-08-04T21:07:49Z 2007-08-04T21:07:49Z We can go through life, and feel alone. sometimes much more then we can handle. sometimes we are lucky enough to be able to stop and think of the person you can lean on, and turn to. sometimes you are lucky enough to have one. the really blessed sometimes can have more.<br /><br />i have my freinds, and then i have my freinds that are so dear we are closer then family. yesterday i said thanks to my freind madi, and her ability to accept me no matter how much of a pain i am.<br /><br />Today i want to leave the same love for KT. one fo my dearest friends, and more. she has given me a gift i can never come close to matching. not just in her friendship, but in our daughter who gives me reason to draw breath when times seemt he darkest. and her little face lights my way to where i should be.<br /><br />so thank you Kt for being my freind, and being there thorugh some of my darkest times, and still wanting to be there after you saw how mean i can be, when im hurt.<br /><br />i love you, and you are a great friend..<br /><br />you light my days and nights, and i am blessed that i have someone who i consider so dear, that you are more then friend, but my Family too...<br /><br />Thank you KT Much Love &lt;3 urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:37138 2007-08-03T23:22:59Z 2007-08-03T23:22:59Z I know i can be a pain. so when i find someone who not only can deal with it, but almost understands and appreciates me for my quarks. you just wanna hold on to them.<br />throw in some abandonment issues and you can sometimes hold on to hard. so i'm trying to restrain myself. because i think i found one of those friends. the ones who love you unconditionally. thats a huge thing to me. <br />you add on that this person is so sweet and geniunily cares. OMG A shooting star we could all just be lucky enough to know once in our lifes...<br /><br />i don't really know what i'm trying to say here, but you know who you are. When you read this i just wanna say thx for being my friend.. &lt;3's and no matter what happenes or where the road takes us. i will always be there for you. for the simple reason of you being a true friend...<br /><br />Remy Star urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:36797 2007-03-31T21:20:35Z 2007-03-31T21:20:35Z so i took my daughter to the store after finding out the gym playroom was closed due to water issues. i had promised to get a special grocery cart for kids next time we went so i had to stop and get money out. sinc eit would cost a dollar. so i stop at the US Bank ATM, and got out 20 dollars and asked one of the girls if they could change it for me, and they said yes. My daughter asked me a question at the same time so i turned my attention to her, and since my card was still int he machine, it decided to suck it back in. and keep it. i asked the girls at the counter and they said no problem, they opened the back of the machine and pulled out my card. and upon seeing it wasnt a US Bank card said they wouldnt give it to me. OK WTF! you watche dme use the card, and i have ID and you wont give me my debit card back? <br><br /><br><br />so here is a BIG FUCK YOU to US Bank. nothing liek extortion tactics to drive away potential customers. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:35407 2006-07-09T03:27:11Z 2006-07-09T03:27:11Z "Aha! Little Red Riding Hood!" says the Big Bad Wolf, upon finding the girl in the woods. <br />"Now I'm going to take off your little red cape, lift up your little red skirt, pull down your<br />little red panties and fuck your brains out!"<br />"No you're not, Mr. Wolf," Red Riding Hood retorts, pulling a gun out of her basket <br />and aiming it at the wolf. 'You're going to eat me just like the book says!" urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:32668 2006-03-10T00:35:05Z 2006-03-10T00:35:05Z I look at you and cant decide<br />to hold your hand or run and hide<br />skin crawls but i cant let go<br />a face so familiar, but noone i know.<br /><br />i see lips moving<br />but i can't hear you scream<br />i have open eyes<br />but im still just looking through this dream<br /><br />i touch your face so cold and smooth<br />almost as if you are not alive<br />no emotion, no texture<br />no life no drive<br /><br />so i lay back down<br />and pray im just asleep<br />but i knwo its all real<br />because of the tears i weep urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:32422 2006-03-10T00:34:13Z 2006-03-10T00:34:13Z pull the string<br />from within<br />pull the thread<br />where does it begin<br />tattered soul<br />or organ torn<br />broken body weather worn<br />unravel me<br /><br />little string<br />a bitter end<br />twisted soul<br />i'd think knot<br />fabric man-made<br />just the bits<br /><br />pull my string <br />see what im made of<br />pull the thread<br />unravel me urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:32062 2006-03-10T00:13:23Z 2006-03-10T00:13:23Z <center>slave screams he thinks he knows what he wants<br />slave screams thinks he has something to say<br />slave screams he hears but doesn't want to listen<br />slave screams he's being beat into submission<br />don't open your eyes you won't like what you see<br />the devils of truth steal the souls of the free<br />don't open your eyes take it from me<br />i have found<br />you can find<br />happiness is slavery<br />slave screams he spends his life learning conformity<br />slave screams he claims he has his own identity<br />slave screams he's going to cause the system to fall<br />slave screams but he's glad to be chained to that wall<br />don't open your eyes you won't like what you see<br />the blind have been blessed with security<br />don't open your eyes take it from me<br />i have found<br />you can find<br />happiness is slavery<br />i don't know what i am i don't know where i've been<br />human junk just words and so much skin<br />stick my hands thru the cage of this endless routine<br />just some flesh caught in this big broken machine</center> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:31527 2006-03-09T17:16:46Z 2006-03-09T17:16:46Z who is this man standing here<br />i do not know his face<br />who is this man standing here<br />he is standing in my place<br /><br />his eyes are so familiar<br />they haunt me in my dreams<br />blurred up reflections<br />nothing is what it seems<br /><br />Why is he standing here<br />does he know he dosent belong<br />taking my place in this world<br />does he know he is wrong<br /><br />i stand watching this man<br />in a corner in the dark<br />kicking screaming<br />but never to leave a mark urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:26753 2005-09-22T17:32:16Z 2005-09-22T17:33:52Z The Coffee Principal states that tolerance is directly proportional to the amount of love or hate towards an outside influence.<br /><br />In Layman terms<br /><br />If you were sitting in a coffee shop and your best friend dumped a steaming hot pot of coffee in your lap, you could laugh it off. Because your tolerance level would be high for this much loved friend.<br /><br />Your worst enemy sits across from you in the café and the simple motion in which they stir their coffee would drive you insane. Simply due to tolerance would be nil for this unloved person. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:25206 2005-09-02T17:27:28Z 2005-09-02T17:27:28Z So i havent seen Katie and Lai in almost 2 weeks, next tuesday will be 2 weeks. I'm giving Katie space. I don't want to annoy her and push her away and i knwo how i can be. So i backed off and it makes me miss them even more. <br /><br />I have to go back to work today after my short vaacation, i had taken time off work for things, but ended up sitting at my house. I did go see the Cave which was pretty cool. like a cross between that movie "Mimic" and "Pitch Black"...<br /><br />OK, i guess i'll get ready for work...<br /><br /><br />Bye :( urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:24981 2005-09-01T00:26:16Z 2005-09-01T00:26:16Z you and me, aren't that diffrent<br />inside we're just the same<br />diffrent faces to our devils<br />diffrent devils we can blame<br /><br />growing lonely figthing devils<br />demons with diffrent names<br />in ourself our only savior<br />is also the one to blame..<br /><br />you and I, aren't at fault<br />these devils are to strong.<br />just reactions to the devils<br />in a world that has gone wrong urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:24828 2005-08-30T22:06:44Z 2005-08-30T22:06:44Z Ever feel like you are going through motions of life because you don't knwo what else to do? Lost, no where to trun and just kinda alone in the place that you are at in that moment.<br /><br />Wishing you could just lay down and go to sleep? sleep until its all over, and then you can wake up rested and alive.. wake up in a better place, where things make sense.. urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:24450 2005-08-24T10:40:06Z 2005-08-24T10:40:06Z I had the best day I've had in a long time. Katie and I took Lai to <a href="http://www.PKI.com">King's Island</a>. She couldn't ride much. it was odd one of the few rides she could go on was a scary ride, the other ones that she was able to , she couldn't because we wouldn't have been able to go with her. and we weren't sure if she was ready for that yet. Next year should be a really good time though. <br /><br />She did get to meet Dora, and sponge bob. there are pictures on her <a href="http://laicoal.com">Website</a>. She had a fun day in all. <br /><br />After KI, Katie and i went to see "40 Year Old Virgin" it was pretty funny. not your normal fart and dick joke movie (even thought that's what it is really, lets be honest). then we went to the mall where she bought some new shirts and stuff. it was a really nice day.<br /><br />I was Happy, they make me happy. it was a nice change... urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:24059 2005-07-29T23:06:06Z 2005-07-29T23:06:06Z <table align="center" cellpadding="20"> <tbody><tr> <td align="center"> <font size="5"><b>the Idiot Savant</b></font><br> <center><font size="1">(47% dark, 56% spontaneous, 61% vulgar)</font></center> </td> </tr> <tr> <td> <center>your humor style:<br><b>VULGAR</b> | <b>SPONTANEOUS</b> | <b>LIGHT</b></center><br /><br><br><br />You like things silly, immediate, and, above all, outrageous. Ixne on<br />the subtle word play, more testicles on fire, please. People like you<br />are the most likely to RECEIVE internet forwards--and also the most<br />likely to save them in a special folder entitled 'HOLY SHIT'. <br><br><br />Because it's so easily appreciated, and often a little physical, your<br />sense of humor never ceases to amuse your friends. But most realize<br />that there's a sly intelligence and a knowing wink to your tastes. Your<br />sense of humor could be called 'anti-pretentious'--but ironically, that<br />definitely indicates you're smarter than most.<br /><br><br>PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Johnny Knoxville - Jimmy Kimmel </td> </tr> <tr> <td align="center"> <img src="http://is2.okcupid.com/users/116/944/11694560292031626201/mt1121288866.gif"> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> <br><br><br> <table cellpadding="20"> <tbody><tr> <td> <span>My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people <i>your age and gender</i>:<blockquote><table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="4"><tbody><tr><td valign="middle"><table bgcolor="black" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="1"><tbody><tr><td bgcolor="#b2cfff" height="20" width="68"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td><td bgcolor="white" width="82"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td></tr></tbody></table></td><td valign="middle">You scored higher than <b>45%</b> on <b>dark</b></td></tr><tr><td valign="middle"><table bgcolor="black" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="1"><tbody><tr><td bgcolor="#b2cfff" height="20" width="108"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td><td bgcolor="white" width="42"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td></tr></tbody></table></td><td valign="middle">You scored higher than <b>72%</b> on <b>spontaneous</b></td></tr><tr><td valign="middle"><table bgcolor="black" border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="1"><tbody><tr><td bgcolor="#b2cfff" height="20" width="122"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td><td bgcolor="white" width="28"><a href="http://www.okcupid.com"><img src="http://is1.okcupid.com/graphics/0.gif" alt="free online dating" border="0"></a></td></tr></tbody></table></td><td valign="middle">You scored higher than <b>81%</b> on <b>vulgar</b></td></tr></tbody></table></blockquote></span> </td> </tr> </tbody></table> <table cellpadding="20"><tr><td>Link: <a href="http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testid=17565214125862764376">The 3 Variable Funny Test</a> written by <a href="http://www.okcupid.com/profile?tuid=11694560292031626201">jason_bateman</a> on <a href="http://www.okcupid.com">Ok Cupid</a></td></tr></table> urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:23766 2005-06-18T22:28:23Z 2005-06-18T22:28:23Z Sitting Alone in the dark<br />Seeing the darkness for what it is<br />Friend, confidant, ally<br />A protector, blinding the truth<br />Taking you into the bosom of solitude<br />A warm safe place to hide<br />We are only ourselves when we are alone<br />Alone in the darkness you will see yourself for the first time<br />Reflected in the shadows<br />In the reflection you see all that you are<br />And you are nothing urn:lj:livejournal.com:atom1:kokei:23358 2005-06-06T03:29:33Z 2005-06-06T03:29:33Z <a href="http://www.users.drew.edu/jleto/endless/"><img src="http://www.users.drew.edu/jleto/endless/dream.jpg" alt="I&#39;m Dream!" border="0"><br><font face="courier new" size="2"><a href="http://www.users.drew.edu/jleto/endless/">Which Member of the Endless Are <i>You</i>?</a></font></a>